...
I used to shop more than I should, but then I moved somewhere with
so few shops it's just not possible. A person can only have so many
can openers
. But
that's all irrelevant because I just started law school so they tell me I won't
have time for any of that. It's okay, though, because I'm hell-bent
on doing some kind of public interest law (probably focusing on
domestic
violence or crime victim advocacy) so
you can still talk to me because I am not exchanging my soul for a
law degree
. But, you
shallow guys are missing out and I hope you find a skinny bitch you
can treat like a princess and fuck your best friend on the side.
No, I'm not bitter
...

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